A new year

It's hard to believe it's been 2 weeks since I've posted on my blog.  Between the holidays and the chemo it's been tough finding opportunities to write. Today is the 5th day after my last chemo, which thankfully fell after Christmas.  The 3rd an 4th days after chemo are tough, the drugs seem to be at their highest in my system.  The anti-nausea drugs are also mood-altering drugs, which makes for a whole bag of mental tricks, none of which are fun, and I find it hard to find the positive aspects of life.  I no longer feel like me, and that makes me sad.

Throughout this journey I have worked hard to maintain a sense of who I am, the "me" without cancer. I think it would be different if I knew what to expect, but with my metabolic issues, each chemo treatment has brought a new situation that needs to be understood and dealt with, and it's draining.  Not just for me, but for my wonderful, amazing daughter, and that makes me sad too.  My next chemo, on Jan 12, will be the 4th of 8 sessions, half way done.  On chemo #5 they will change the drugs they are giving me and I am hopeful that they will bring fewer side-effects; what we do know is it will be different, again.

But it's a new year, and this year brings health and healing.  So I'm looking for milestones to mark the positive events.  In January, my daughter will be in a play at school, with a lead female role and I am so excited to experience this milestone with her.   February is bound to bring college decisions for her, and an exciting new territory for both of us.   We will also look forward to our church's camp rally, an annual event for us and a time to connect with friends.  Then there is March, a final chemo and a long-awaited return to work.  Positive milestones to focus on.

They are out there when I look for them, and so I look daily.  The positive milestones are what get me through each day:  seeing my daughter's face and feeling her love each day;  getting out of the house to do something normal once the worst is over; seeing my Dad after a week or more absence and seeing the relief on his face to see me once again; returning to church to pray and praise God for carrying me through each step of the way, because He does, and He will, all the way to healed.