Finding Myself

I found myself today.  It took until this afternoon, but finally I was back.  It is truly amazing what all these drugs can do to not only your physical, but mental health.  They can make it hard to recall who you are with out the drugs, which makes it difficult to draw on your usual coping mechanisms.

This morning was a challenge, still feeling sick, but needing to make a morning appointment at the cancer center.  Back in October, after finding out that I was positive for the breast cancer gene, I scheduled a meeting with the oncology therapist.  With high demand and limited resources, the earliest appointment I could get was January 5; but the appointment couldn't have come at a more opportune time.  I spent an hour talking with the therapist, and receiving affirmation that what I was going through was within the normal boundaries of what occurs when we are diagnosed with cancer, and also confirmation that for someone with my issues metabolizing drugs, drug therapy was not a good option.  

Regardless of how well we try to cope, some form of mental health intervention is typical for cancer patients.  Anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications are are common part of cancer treatment, but therapy also comes in the form of conversation, musical therapy and more holistic mind-body-spirit therapies, such as self-realization exercises, acupuncture and massage.   These non-drug modes are what I will need to pursue, and so starts another journey.

In writing this, I am aware that there is still a continued stigma attached with mental health issues, but I think it is an important aspect to explore and to continue to uncover.  Health and illness are by nature tri-fold, with the body, mind and spirit all being tightly intertwined.  If we are lucky, when our body is frail, our mind and spirit can compensate pulling us through to health; and when our mind becomes frail, we can leverage the physical and spiritual aspects to help pull us through.  But often the body, mind and spirit need help returning to health and balance.

Help for me comes in many forms.  It comes in call from a friend, checking in to see how I am doing.  It comes in a card, with beautiful verse to renew my spirit and remind me of my faith.  It comes in the form of  the love and support  I receive from my family and friends.  But it also comes in the form of formal therapy and  mental health practices, and I am happy to live in a time where there is so much available to help me through the mental health aspects of having cancer.  And I know one of the things I will take with me from this experience, is how important it is to treat all aspects of oneself in order to return to health, and that like the body, the mind can and does heal.