Today is Monday. I have had 5 days of feeling relatively "normal" and it has been amazing. I've been here before, realizing how much I take for granted the simplicity and fundamental wonderfulness of feeling just normal. Years ago when I landed in the hospital for 10 days with migraine induced seizures, it took many weeks before I felt "normal", and the sheer joy of it was amazing. And here I am, back at the wonderment of it all and just a little disappointed in myself for for taking it all for granted.
Last week was rough. After chemo the Wednesday prior, and a return trip to the hospital the Thursday after for an IV to combat dehydration and a switch of one of my anti-nausea medications that I was having a poor reaction to, I was working through the typical chemo/anti-nausea drug effects of being fatigued. Saturday came and things were getting better, but then early Sunday morning I began having a problem with a medication they had given me to try and control the migraine-seizures. I wrote about this some on 12/4.
The scary thing to me is how a medication, intended to alleviate anxiety and thereby (supposedly) control migraines, actually caused me to have severe depression and uncontrollable sadness and despair. In fact, throughout this whole situation, it is the only time I have felt complete and utter sense of helplessness.
But I went off the meds, and the cloud lifted, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief to feel... just normal.
And that was Thursday, feeling tired but feeling normal, feeling grateful for feeling normal and feeling the need to get stuff done. So, like the normal human I am, I went a little overboard. A trip to Target with the help of a friend to get all the things I had run out of, or identified as something that would help with this next round of chemo. I rested that evening, with a normal night of watching TV, having dinner and relaxing with our dog, Angel; and I awoke Friday feeling ... normal.
And Saturday... normal.
And Sunday...normal.
And today...normal.
I was able to visit my dad, grocery shop, go see my daughter sing in our church Christmas concert and have a wonderful evening talking with an old friend.
And today I am doing laundry - who'd have thought doing laundry could be so wonderful.
And cooking food for the rest of the week - normal.
And watching Ellen, and even dancing along while Angel barks beside me.
Normal. Wonderful, amazing, don't forget to appreciate it....normal.
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