I'm writing this post from my Dad's room, where I've been camped out since last friday when he went on hospice care. Dad's been growing steadily weaker over the last 3 years, but he surprised us all when he rallied in the face of my cancer.
I think it's fair to say he was frustrated and felt he wasn't able to be there for me, but he did the most important thing... he rallied.
It was as if my illness gave him the strength to stay healthy and strong, because he knew that it would be hard on me if he became sick or injured and I couldn't be there for him. So, he rallied.
This fall he began commenting on how long my hair was getting and that I was looking healthier and I think he knew then that the time had come when he could rest. That he didn't need to rally for me any more. And so, it began... the new journey.
Over the last few months he has become more and more weak. It became difficult for him to find the right words, difficult to talk, difficult to walk, difficult to eat. So, now it is my turn to rally.
He's not speaking any more, nor is he walking or eating. It's time for his body to rest.
But oh the journey his soul is embarking on. Even in my sadness, I find joy in thinking of the wonderful journey he is about to take. It's one he's planned for his whole life, and one for which he can leave all baggage behind.
And as I sit by his side, I become ready to see him set sail; sad, because I will miss him; but rejoicing in knowing that his burden will be lighter for the road ahead.
Very beautiful and touching story about your dad - brings tears to my eyes. How blessed you are he is in your life and he is blessed you are with him.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a magical way with words my dear :) You have been a gift to each other from day one. May God hold you both in his loving arms right now and give you each the strength that you both need to get through this chapter. You are your dads Angel here on earth Barb. I know how proud of you he is and of what you have become as a grown woman and mother. The strength and compassion you have for others is amazing. You are a wonderfully Loyal and Committed daughter and friend.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and have been a blessing to everyone that you have touched throughout your life and continue to do so :)
Just don't forget that you have people that LOVE you and are here for you always...day or night! Sending Prayers and Love!
~Doreen
Barb, I Will be thinking of you. I know it is so hard for you. I lived with and took care of my grandmother for six years with Alzheimers and Parkinsin's, and then my dad for six years with the same thing. I saw both go catatonic. In my heart you are doing wonders for your dad. It may not be obvious. I would sing Show me the way to go home. A brilliant smile would develop.
ReplyDeletePrayers to you and your dad.
Chip
as hard as I am sure it is, what a gift to be able to be with your dad as he makes this transition. Sending you thoughts of peace and wellness
ReplyDeleteBarb, your dad is very lucky to have you with him. I love "how" you have been present to him, and careing for him. My heat goes out to you in this time of letting go. Know that, you too, are loved. You are one of the strongest people I know. Bless you!
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