The wait

This is the week of waiting.  I have no doctor appointments, no tests.  Just a mission to get as close to 100% as I can before starting chemo next week.  My right arm is at about 80% normal functionality.  Still some swelling, but in general, I am able to use it in a fairly normal way.  The left is closer to 40%, this is the side where the lymph nodes were removed.  My energy level is still way low.  I am pushing to make it through the day without a nap, so I end up dozing off in the early evening.  I know most of that is just my body healing, but I wonder how much is the absence of caffeine also, I love my coffee, but one less drug in my system is good thing.  


Wednesday it will be 4 weeks since my surgery, and 1 week until chemo begins.  A new adventure in this journey to wellness.  Since my dear friend is preceding me in her cancer treatment, I have some idea of what to expect; but our chemo "cocktails" are different and will have different side effects.  I am told there will be nausea, but they have great anti-nausea drugs these days and it should be minimal.  I'm also told I will lose my hair.  Nothing we can do about that, so hat shopping we will go.  


I am glad this week of waiting is also the week of Thanksgiving.  My daughter is home, and there is plenty of time to focus on the right things, the things we are thankful for.   I cannot yet say I am thankful for this cancer, although I do believe that some day I will look back and be grateful for the things I have taken away from this experience.  For now, I can say I am thankful for the outpouring of support, love, and prayers.  I have received so much help from so many people, I know we would not have made it through this without you all.  


I am thankful for the cards and notes of encouragement, they have come from so many friends and each day I receive one I am overcome again with a deep sense of gratitude to you all.  


I am thankful for the people who have shared their faith with me and provided their prayers; your witness strengthens my faith.


I am thankful for my job, and that I work for a company that has wonderful benefits which enable to me to have the time off which I need to recover, the insurance which is keeping me from bankrupting over the medical bills, and the salary which is allowing me to pay my bills and hire help where I need it this winter.


I am thankful for the people who are stepping up to fill the gaps I've left in my commitments at work and at church.


I am thankful I live in at a time where pretty much everything can be delivered to my door... it sure makes it easier to keep stocked in groceries and supplies.


I am thankful for my home; while I complain about the ever growing list of repairs, I know I am truly blessed to have a safe and warm home to recuperate within. 


I am thankful for laughter, especially laughter in times of stress and sadness - it is cathartic, humor really is wonderful medicine and provides a sense of "normality".  


I am thankful for my life so far - the smooth and the rocky parts.  I have become the person I am because of the people I have known, the challenges I have overcome, and because of those I am still working to overcome.  And I can honestly say, I am content.


But I am most thankful for my daughter, her love and her support, her strength, the wonderful way she thinks, her creativity and beauty, her ability to connect with people of all ages.  She is both my child and my friend.  She is my amazing gift from God.  I was blessed the day she was born as I have been every day since.